Lately I bore myself. I've lost all creative desire and spend my nights reading books about safari guiding in Africa or lost cities in the Amazon. That's if I don't just sit back in my hotel room and watch the television with all its unreal reality shows. ( Oh, I've been staying in a lot of hotels lately for work purposes.) Writing this now is the closest I've come to being creative in a while. I've decided to forget about trying to create and instead, just sit back and enjoy nature and shit. <- I'm also working on dumbing down the way I speak, as seen in the sentence prior to this one and in the standard vocabulary of your average American teenager. (pretty impressive,huh?)
Anyway, I'm excited because I will be going on a real adventure this weekend with my girlfriend and her wonderful mother. We will be rafting the Arkansas River in the Royal Gorge of Colorado. We have already tested the white water of the Snake River in Wyoming and it was one of the greatest moments in my life. I had to sign a waiver today that told me I might die. This didn't worry me much considering that "might" is far better than "will". If the waiver said "You will die!", then I would not have signed it. I could give you all a waiver to sign right now that says "You might die.", and it wouldn't be a false statement. I hope I don't die rafting.
I just turned 29 years old this past weekend. I've gotten a lot of people saying things like "Almost thirty!", and "Last year in your twenties!". I feel like all ages that end in a 9 get overlooked. Can't I just be 29? Besides, mathematically speaking, a number can't "almost" be another number. A 2 can only be a 2. A 2 is not almost a 3; or a fucking 1 for that matter. Saying 29 is almost 30, is like saying a 2 is almost a Grizzly Bear. It just doesn't add up; and that's a fact you can count on.
I wrote a bunch of music in the last year and I don't know what to do with it. I recorded all kinds of songs and ideas onto my ipad. I did instruments ( guitar, bass, and drums) on a cheap Sanyo keyboard. I sang lead vocals and then backed myself up on another track. Its childsplay at best, but I feel like its some of the coolest stuff I've written. Unfortunately, I feel like these songs will probably never be professionally recorded or played with a real band. I've started considering what it would take to just go to some cheap recording studio and just do it all on keyboards and say fuck it to the hopes of using real guitars and shit. Then maybe I can just tour with a keyboard and a car. I know it might sound weak, but I guarantee that I'd still overpower some of the "hardcore" bands out there today. ( At least according to my taste.) I'm pretty sure using only a keyboard to play punk music would be considered a betrayal to the "punk genre", but that kind of makes me want to do it even more. Bozos won't know what hit'em.
I guess I should give up on this ramble and try to sleep. These days I can't help but lay awake at night and think of "what ifs?". What if i cant make it to work on time tomorrow? What if I never left AZ? What if my brother were to still be alive? What if I catch a disease from sleeping in this hotel bed? What if i put out my own music? What if I die rafting? What if?
