Every night I find myself wishing that something would come along and put an end to all this mediocre, insincere shit, that the majority of the world calls music. I'm not just talking about my opinion on what style is best, I'm talking about all genres. I can't find anything new that shakes me. Sure, every now and then I find a great song or two, but where's the beef America? Can we please take back our music from pre-teen girls and stop jerking ourselves off to the likes of Maroon 5. I just want some substance. Something that turns on my caveman brain! I say, whatever music is allowed to be played in shopping malls, shouldn't be allowed on the radio. It's all bullshit, and it's bad for you! Listen to what you will, but I've had it! This shit kills me inside. To hear all this auto tuned, soft core, limp dick, product pumping junk that is supposedly banging, just kills me. SO I declare, on this eve of my brothers death one year ago, that I will dedicate my life to the pursuit of honesty, truth, and an extreme retaliation towards all "artist" who fake the funk, pretend the pain, steal the soul, jive the jams, bubble the gum, polish the pop, soft the rock, crap the rap, level the metal, sell an image, demographic the magic, distribute but don't contribute, bunk the punk, and last but not least....WISH TO BE AMERICAN IDOLS. The whole dream of "making it" needs to be tarred and feathered. A real musician doesn't write music to "make it", They just write to make music. GIVE ME BACK MY RAW, UGLY, GRITTY, BARE BONES, IMPERFECT MUSIC! I know it's just music, but honestly, good music is about the only thing that makes me feel much of anything anymore. It's a sacred vibration that comes from within. If there is such thing as a god, or a universal truth, I guaran-damn-tee that it will be found in music! I here by pledge my life to writing music from my beating heart and rotten guts, waging war on today's music industry, and burning all the false idols to the ground! Hail, hail, rock and roll. Look out America, I'm a comin' ta getcha!
11.01.2012
7.09.2012
DEAD ELECTRIC and TWICE ALIVE
A PIT OPENED IN MY CHEST
A BLACK SINKHOLE THAT SEEMED TO SWALLOW THIS WORLD
TO BECOME THIS WORLD
TO BE AS ONE WITH THIS WORLD
NOW IM THICK WITH ITS FILTH
AND RICH WITH IS CARNAL TRUTHS
SOMEHOW DEAD ELECTRIC AND TWICE ALIVE
A SINGULARITY OF THE PUREST HATE
IN COPULATION WITH THE INFINITE DENSITY OF THE TRUEST LOVE
CANCELING EACH OTHER OUT IN CONFLICTING CLIMAX
PLANTING THE SEED OF ABSOLUTE VOID
OBLITERATING EVERYTHING THAT WAS HUMAN IN ME
WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY GIVING BIRTH TO MY NEW BEING
REBORN A SELF-MADE BASTARD BEAST
BITING THE HEAD OFF THAT WHICH GAVE ME LIFE
NOW SEEING IN NEW DIRECTIONS
HUNGRY FOR RAW INTERACTION
NAKED ATTRACTION
RUNNING WILD
LIVING ON THE LIVING
I AM THE NEW JAWS OF LIFE
RIPPING AT SPACE
TEARING AT TIME
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FUN TO PLAY WITH BETWEEN THE KNOWN AND THE UNKNOWN
ALL THE WHILE VIVID WITH EXISTENCE AS RED AS THE BLOOD ON MY FACE
WITH DEATH BY THE THROAT, AS IT HAS MINE
KNOWING I WILL LOSE, BUT AT LEAST I'LL KNOW THE TASTE
WHEN THE HUNTER OF HUNTERS DRAINS MY BEAST BLOOD COLD
PERHAPS TO BE BEAST IS TO BE HUMAN
AND WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS
NEVER WAS
EXTINCT I WILL GO
A PIT WILL OPEN IN THIS WORLD
A BLACK SINKHOLE TO SWALLOW ME WHOLE
TO BECOME THIS WORLD
TO BE AS ONE WITH THIS WORLD
6.09.2012
4.23.2012
SUMMER HAS A PLACE FOR THEM
SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO PLAY IN THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELDS
SUMMER HAS A PLACE FOR THEM UNDER ULTRAVIOLET EYES
HIDE AND SEEK WITH RADIATION
BUILDING FORTS HIGH IN THE POWER LINES
WRITING THEIR NAMES IN THE MELTED BLACK TAR STREETS
NO MATTER HOW DESOLATE THE FUTURE
MARCHING WITH DEDICATION TO PLAY
LIKE TINY ANTS WITH DEDICATION TO WORK
ALL AT THE MERCY OF THE IMAGINARY GODS OF THEIR PARENTS
AS NAIVE AS CHILDREN, BUT INFINITELY CRUEL
HOLDING MAGNIFYING GLASSES BENEATH OZONE HOLES
BURNING AWAY THEIR YOUTH IN SICK PLEASURE
UNTIL AT SUMMERS END
FROM WITHIN THE PEELING RED SKIN
YOUR CHILDREN WILL IMMERGE
CHILDREN NO MORE
THEIR PLAYFUL INNOCENTS WILL BE DEAD
THEY WILL TAKE THEIR PLACE WITH THE WORKING ANTS
AND FALL VICTIM TO THE CANCER THAT IS EVERYDAY LIVING
EVERYDAY DYING
ALWAYS DREAMING OF BETTER SUMMERS PAST
SUMMER HAS A PLACE FOR THEM UNDER ULTRAVIOLET EYES
HIDE AND SEEK WITH RADIATION
BUILDING FORTS HIGH IN THE POWER LINES
WRITING THEIR NAMES IN THE MELTED BLACK TAR STREETS
NO MATTER HOW DESOLATE THE FUTURE
MARCHING WITH DEDICATION TO PLAY
LIKE TINY ANTS WITH DEDICATION TO WORK
ALL AT THE MERCY OF THE IMAGINARY GODS OF THEIR PARENTS
AS NAIVE AS CHILDREN, BUT INFINITELY CRUEL
HOLDING MAGNIFYING GLASSES BENEATH OZONE HOLES
BURNING AWAY THEIR YOUTH IN SICK PLEASURE
UNTIL AT SUMMERS END
FROM WITHIN THE PEELING RED SKIN
YOUR CHILDREN WILL IMMERGE
CHILDREN NO MORE
THEIR PLAYFUL INNOCENTS WILL BE DEAD
THEY WILL TAKE THEIR PLACE WITH THE WORKING ANTS
AND FALL VICTIM TO THE CANCER THAT IS EVERYDAY LIVING
EVERYDAY DYING
ALWAYS DREAMING OF BETTER SUMMERS PAST
4.04.2012
A LIFE IN THE DAY OF THE MAYFLY
COMING OUT OF THIS NYMPH STATE
TO SEE AS ONE IN A THOUSAND WAYS
NOTHING COMES IN
NOTHING GOES OUT
MY VESTIGIAL MOUTH
TO LIVE AND DIE IN JUST ONE SETTING SUN
TO LIVE AND ONLY MAKE ONE CONTRIBUTION
WHEN SKY IS FILLED IN RITUAL COLLISION
HOT MASSES OF INSECT COITION
FROM NESTING EARTH
TO WORLDLY GRAVE
THE CRUEL GIVE AND TAKE
IN THIS EPHEMERAL EXISTENCE
TO SEE AS ONE IN A THOUSAND WAYS
NOTHING COMES IN
NOTHING GOES OUT
MY VESTIGIAL MOUTH
TO LIVE AND DIE IN JUST ONE SETTING SUN
TO LIVE AND ONLY MAKE ONE CONTRIBUTION
WHEN SKY IS FILLED IN RITUAL COLLISION
HOT MASSES OF INSECT COITION
FROM NESTING EARTH
TO WORLDLY GRAVE
THE CRUEL GIVE AND TAKE
IN THIS EPHEMERAL EXISTENCE
3.26.2012
OCCUPANCY: ONE AND SEVEN-BILLION
Leaning back on his stool with one elbow perched on the bar, he faces the patrons of the night. He stares at their faces, mimicking their expressions while he pretends to smoke a cigarette.
"What can I get ya honey?"
With one quick kick and a lift of his heels, he spins round to the bartender.
"Me? I don't need shit. I'm content."
He brings two fingers to his lips and fills his lungs with air.
Head tilted back, he opens his mouth, and with a few huffs he lets out three imaginary smoke rings.
The bartender unamused,
"Are ya waitin' on someone?"
"Nope. Just looking."
"Who ya lookin' for?"
"Me? No one." he says as he looks over his left shoulder, then right, then back at the bartender.
"Then what are ya here for?"
He points up to the maximum occupancy sign posted over a large mirror behind the bar.
Then studies his own reflection.
"I'm just a number lady. Taking up some space. That's all."
With the winters cold a smiling couple enters the bar, as trapped voices and music making up incoherent noise exit into the street.
He jerks his head to see the coming and going of it all.
"Don't they look miserable?"
"Who?" the bartender asked.
"All of'em."
He takes one last drag then taps his invisible cigarette out on the bar.
Looking, again towards the entrance.
"Are ya sure yer not lookin' for somebody?"
Pulling a very real pack of cigarettes from his chest pocket, he looks inside the box. It's empty.
"Only a couple left." he says out loud to himself.
He pretends to pull one from the pack and light it up.
"What was that?" he said with a constricted throat, as if to hold the smoke in his lungs.
"I said, Are ya sure you're not lookin' for someone? It's just, ya keep lookin' at the door like yer expectin' somebody."
He exhales,
"Everybody is looking for somebody in this place. Some for company. Others for love. Then theres the cats who see with carnal eyes, looking for something to fuck."
"What!"
"You know, like a one night stand. Yep, everybody in this place is looking for somebody. Anybody that will take them away from themselves."
"Is that what yer lookin' for? A one night stand?"
"Me? Fuck no!" he fakes another drag, "I'm just looking to stand one night. One more night with myself, alone."
"Honey, yer in the wrong place if yer lookin' to be alone."
"That ain't so. It's crowded places like these that a guy can get real good at being alone."
"Why would ya want to be alone?"
He leans in as if to tell a secret.
"Well shit! That's a good question. I guess I find that I am the most compatible, yet most combatable, person to myself. You see?"
"What's that suppose'da mean?"
"It means that I prefer to converse amongst myself. Within. I find it helps to cut out all the bullshit. You know, like introductions, ice breakers, and all that mindless talk that follows. Not to fail to mention all the listening. I can't stand to listen. By keeping my own company all interactions go as follows..."
He holds up a finger with each statement,
"If something's funny, not only do I get to here the joke, but I get to tell it. If there's an inner confrontation, no matter how many times I lose the fight, I win. You see, I've always got myself to challenge, encourage, protect, debate, comfort, and to keep company."
"Well yer talkin' to me now, ain't ya?"
"Nope! You may be asking questions, but I'm not answering you. I'm just reassuring myself out loud."
"Oh, is that what yer tellin' yerself?"
"Yep! Don't fool yourself lady. No matter how many people are in this place, no matter how many occupy this world, we are all here alone. Talking to ourselves."
He turns his back towards the bartender, once again placing his elbow on the bar.
"Well if ya ain't gonna buy a drink then I'm gonna have'da suggest you go be alone somewhere else."
He laughs,
"You know, ever since they passed that stupid law that says you can't smoke in the bars anymore, I haven't liked coming to these places much anyway. Really takes the joy out of a mans loneliness."
Standing up, he turns and puts out another invisible cigarette on the bar, then heads for the door.
"Why do you do that?"
"Me? Do what?" he looks back.
"Pretend to smoke like that!"
Now standing at the bar exit, he yells over a hundred conversations back to the bartender.
"Just going through the motions lady! Shit! Aren't we all?"
He then leaves the bar,
ALONE.
"What can I get ya honey?"
With one quick kick and a lift of his heels, he spins round to the bartender.
"Me? I don't need shit. I'm content."
He brings two fingers to his lips and fills his lungs with air.
Head tilted back, he opens his mouth, and with a few huffs he lets out three imaginary smoke rings.
The bartender unamused,
"Are ya waitin' on someone?"
"Nope. Just looking."
"Who ya lookin' for?"
"Me? No one." he says as he looks over his left shoulder, then right, then back at the bartender.
"Then what are ya here for?"
He points up to the maximum occupancy sign posted over a large mirror behind the bar.
Then studies his own reflection.
"I'm just a number lady. Taking up some space. That's all."
With the winters cold a smiling couple enters the bar, as trapped voices and music making up incoherent noise exit into the street.
He jerks his head to see the coming and going of it all.
"Don't they look miserable?"
"Who?" the bartender asked.
"All of'em."
He takes one last drag then taps his invisible cigarette out on the bar.
Looking, again towards the entrance.
"Are ya sure yer not lookin' for somebody?"
Pulling a very real pack of cigarettes from his chest pocket, he looks inside the box. It's empty.
"Only a couple left." he says out loud to himself.
He pretends to pull one from the pack and light it up.
"What was that?" he said with a constricted throat, as if to hold the smoke in his lungs.
"I said, Are ya sure you're not lookin' for someone? It's just, ya keep lookin' at the door like yer expectin' somebody."
He exhales,
"Everybody is looking for somebody in this place. Some for company. Others for love. Then theres the cats who see with carnal eyes, looking for something to fuck."
"What!"
"You know, like a one night stand. Yep, everybody in this place is looking for somebody. Anybody that will take them away from themselves."
"Is that what yer lookin' for? A one night stand?"
"Me? Fuck no!" he fakes another drag, "I'm just looking to stand one night. One more night with myself, alone."
"Honey, yer in the wrong place if yer lookin' to be alone."
"That ain't so. It's crowded places like these that a guy can get real good at being alone."
"Why would ya want to be alone?"
He leans in as if to tell a secret.
"Well shit! That's a good question. I guess I find that I am the most compatible, yet most combatable, person to myself. You see?"
"What's that suppose'da mean?"
"It means that I prefer to converse amongst myself. Within. I find it helps to cut out all the bullshit. You know, like introductions, ice breakers, and all that mindless talk that follows. Not to fail to mention all the listening. I can't stand to listen. By keeping my own company all interactions go as follows..."
He holds up a finger with each statement,
"If something's funny, not only do I get to here the joke, but I get to tell it. If there's an inner confrontation, no matter how many times I lose the fight, I win. You see, I've always got myself to challenge, encourage, protect, debate, comfort, and to keep company."
"Well yer talkin' to me now, ain't ya?"
"Nope! You may be asking questions, but I'm not answering you. I'm just reassuring myself out loud."
"Oh, is that what yer tellin' yerself?"
"Yep! Don't fool yourself lady. No matter how many people are in this place, no matter how many occupy this world, we are all here alone. Talking to ourselves."
He turns his back towards the bartender, once again placing his elbow on the bar.
"Well if ya ain't gonna buy a drink then I'm gonna have'da suggest you go be alone somewhere else."
He laughs,
"You know, ever since they passed that stupid law that says you can't smoke in the bars anymore, I haven't liked coming to these places much anyway. Really takes the joy out of a mans loneliness."
Standing up, he turns and puts out another invisible cigarette on the bar, then heads for the door.
"Why do you do that?"
"Me? Do what?" he looks back.
"Pretend to smoke like that!"
Now standing at the bar exit, he yells over a hundred conversations back to the bartender.
"Just going through the motions lady! Shit! Aren't we all?"
He then leaves the bar,
ALONE.
3.21.2012
3/21/1986
YOU BLEW IN WITH THE SPRING ON THE WINDS OF MARCH
WINTER WAS OVER
THE SUN WAS PULLING OUR PLANET CLOSER
AWAKENING IN ITS WARMTH, LIFE
RELEGATING THE COLD AND ALL THAT FELL LIFELESS
UNDER ITS UNYIELDING OCCUPATION,
TO SHARE IN THE ENERVATED VIGOR OF FELLOW SEASONS ENDED
YOU WERE NEW
HUMAN
MY BABY BROTHER, FUCKING STATE OF THE ART!
NO MARKS OF TIME OR SIGNS OF EROSION
IT WAS AS IF ALL OF ENTROPY HAD GIVEN YOU A TWENTY FOUR HOUR GRACE PERIOD FOR A HEAD START
THEN
DROPPED IN LIFE'S WELL
CAUGHT IN THE GRAVITY OF EXISTENCE
YOU WERE IN MOTION
ON YOUR WAY TO MAXIMUM VELOCITY
HOW DEEP YOUR WELL WOULD BE?
ONLY TIME WOULD TELL
AND SO IT HAPPENED
RELATIVE IN SO MANY WAYS
MOMENTS LIVED AT A SNAILS PACE
YET REVISITED IN MEMORY WITH THE BLINK OF AN EYE
AS SPRING AND ALL SEASONS CHANGE
AS DAY COMES AND COMES AGAIN
WHERE NIGHT STARS FALL WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING
AS TREES GROW STRETCHING TOWARDS THE SUN
WHERE RIVERS CARVE DEEP INTO CANYONS LEAVING THEIR MARK
WHERE EVOLUTION TAKES A STEP FOR BETTER OR WORSE
AS IMAGINATION BROUGHT LIFE TO PLAYTIME AND DEVELOPMENT TO MIND
WHERE IRONY ALWAYS MADE YOU FEEL LIKE THE UNIVERSE WAS WATCHING YOU, PLAYING A TWISTED JOKE
IN POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ATTRACTION AND REACTION
WHERE TRUE LOVE FELT LIKE A MAGIC UNDISCOVERED BY HUMANITY UNTIL YOUR EYES MET HERS
WHERE SOMETIMES THE SHITTIEST, CHEAPEST FOOD, TASTED LIKE A GOURMET FEAST FOR A KING
AS STREET LIGHTS BURN AT THE HEART OF MIDNIGHT
AS DOGS SHIT UNEXPECTEDLY
AS VIOLENT AS EVERY WAR, EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL
VIBRATION, STATIC, HEART FELT, AND TRAGIC
AS SILLY AS SNUGGIES FOR PETS
PLEASURE IN MINDLESS TELEVISION
SARCASM
AS LONELY AS THE MAN IN THE MOON
EMPTY BEERS
FULL BEERS
SODA!
SEX FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!
AS STUPID AS PEOPLE WASTING TIME TO DOMESTICATE THEIR LAWNS
PARTY'S
FRIENDS, FAMILY, ENEMIES
TO MANY BROKEN BONES TO COUNT-DAREDEVIL
OUR BEDTIME CHATS
A MOTHER AND FATHERS LOVE
THE BIRTHDAY CANDLES THAT STEAL ONE MORE BREATH
AS A BEING OF THIS UNIVERSE, ETERNAL IN ESSENCE, MORTAL IN FORM
FINDING THE BOTTOM OF LIFE'S WELL
AS ALL ELEMENTS
DUST TO DUST
SO TOO YOUR LIFE PLAYED OUT
I COULD NEVER WRITE ENOUGH TO FILL THE VOLUMES THAT WERE YOUR LIFE
ALL I CAN DO NOW IS TRY TO ENJOY SPRING AND EXCEPT THE FALL AND WHAT IT TOOK FROM ME IN THE COMING OF WINTER
I'LL MISS YOU EVERYDAY THAT I LIVE
IN THE UNIVERSE I'LL FIND YOU, AS THE UNIVERSE WAS FOUND IN YOU
ONE IN THE SAME
I LOVE YOU ETERNAL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER
3.20.2012
IF THESE WAL-MARTS COULD TALK
From the accumulation of many US tours with Hour of the Wolf, entailing many WAL-MART pit stops, the following stories are true life events that I have been witness to or involved in throughout the various WAL-MARTS of America. I plan on this being a continuous post for this blog and will be adding stories as I recall them. I have so many that it will take a while to write them out, so here are just a few for starters. I don't know if people will enjoy these stories, but they have brought me much amusment over the years. Enjoy.
WAL-MATH -Colorado, near Durango (I think)
One man
Plus
One woman
Plus
One shopping cart
Plus
Five items in cart
Plus
Checkout line
Equals
A conversation that would leave mathematicians the world over
scratching at their heads.
Let's see if you can wrap your head around this!
Woman says to man,
"Let's use the twenty items or less line."
Man replies to woman, as if she's stupid,
"We can't! We got too many items! The cola is a twenty-four pack and the paper towels is twelve!"
As if enlightened and embarrassed all at once, the woman laughs and says,
"Ohh!Never mind. I'm such a ditz."
"Haha! Brain-Fart babe!", her proud man implies.
The couple shifts from the twenty items or less line to the longer, normal checkout, five items and all.
WAL-MAMMALS -Somewhere in Texas
Night.
A bat has found itself trapped within the 24/7 fluorescent prison sky of WAL-MART. Frantically gliding through the steel support beams, lights, cameras, and air ducts that make up the WAL-MOSPHERE, it is clear that the creature is lost. Every few minutes the flying mammal dives low, disappearing into isles that come alive with shrieks followed by laughter. One stop shoppers scatter from its kamikaze like bombardment.
It made me sad. I thought about its struggle, the confusion it must feel. This strange environment it has found. Then I started to think about it's fellow mammals that are shopping below. I think about the effects that WAL-MART has on them /(Myself Included). I started to wonder if the human race was as intelligent as it thinks it is.
Look at us. All wondering through this simulated jungle, this simulated hunting ground. Only the work has already been done for us. We don't have to worry about finding or catching our food. We don't even have to kill it. It's all there, portioned, packaged, dead and pretty. It doesn't stop at food. This modern day watering hole comes equipped with useful and useless shit galore. A real ONE-STOP-SURVIVAL-SHOP with the lowest of the low prices! All thanks to the big yellow smiley face in the sky.
I started thinking about human evolution as I approached the checkout line. Standing upright! Frontal lobe!! Opposable thumbs!!! How you gonna hand out yer smiley face sticker, in yer friendly blue vest, without thumbs? Just then, the bat dove from above, headed for my frontal lobe! Or at least that's what the primitive parts of my brain told me as they took over my body with a ducking like instinct. The bat didn't even come close, but it was enough to give my blood a quick rush. I'll admit, it spawned a cheap thrill in myself and the surrounding shoppers.
As I moved forward in checkout, I would have continued questioning the so called "intelligence" of our species, but I had no need. For the WAL-GODS answered for me in a numbingly stupid voice that killed brain cells in all who were within hearing rang. Standing two people back in line was some sort of Neanderthalish, missing link, wearing a Tap-Out shirt and a Monster Energy Drink hat. His attention at the moment was directed towards the bat, and in one sentence, he put all of the human race in their place.
Speaking to his monkey buddy, dressed in an attire with a likeness to his own, He pointed at the bat and from his mouth came,
"Huh, Stupid Bird! Dude, look how dumb that bird is!"
I don't remember what they said after that (being that my mind had just been blown), but they both laughed and decided to get out of line to follow the "stupid bird"/bat further back into the store. I took one last glance at the creature and his friend, as they lurched away like the big foot in the famous Patterson video. Forever lost in the wild of WAL-MART. Forever a legend in my mind. All I could think of was that I had no proof. If only I had a camera or a voice recorder. It scares me to think about. That guy might be, or one day may be a father.
I then purchased my can of cheesy ravioli and bottle of Gatorade, deciding to give up on "thinking" and vowing to never try to use my brain again. I still wonder to this day if the bat ever made it out of the WAL-MART. LORD KNOWS A PART OF ME NEVER DID.
If you have any wild 'n crazy WAL-MART stories that you would like to share, please do in the comments below this post. Thanks. Have a nice day!
WAL-MATH -Colorado, near Durango (I think)
One man
Plus
One woman
Plus
One shopping cart
Plus
Five items in cart
Plus
Checkout line
Equals
A conversation that would leave mathematicians the world over
scratching at their heads.
Let's see if you can wrap your head around this!
Woman says to man,
"Let's use the twenty items or less line."
Man replies to woman, as if she's stupid,
"We can't! We got too many items! The cola is a twenty-four pack and the paper towels is twelve!"
As if enlightened and embarrassed all at once, the woman laughs and says,
"Ohh!Never mind. I'm such a ditz."
"Haha! Brain-Fart babe!", her proud man implies.
The couple shifts from the twenty items or less line to the longer, normal checkout, five items and all.
WAL-MAMMALS -Somewhere in Texas
Night.
A bat has found itself trapped within the 24/7 fluorescent prison sky of WAL-MART. Frantically gliding through the steel support beams, lights, cameras, and air ducts that make up the WAL-MOSPHERE, it is clear that the creature is lost. Every few minutes the flying mammal dives low, disappearing into isles that come alive with shrieks followed by laughter. One stop shoppers scatter from its kamikaze like bombardment.
It made me sad. I thought about its struggle, the confusion it must feel. This strange environment it has found. Then I started to think about it's fellow mammals that are shopping below. I think about the effects that WAL-MART has on them /(Myself Included). I started to wonder if the human race was as intelligent as it thinks it is.
Look at us. All wondering through this simulated jungle, this simulated hunting ground. Only the work has already been done for us. We don't have to worry about finding or catching our food. We don't even have to kill it. It's all there, portioned, packaged, dead and pretty. It doesn't stop at food. This modern day watering hole comes equipped with useful and useless shit galore. A real ONE-STOP-SURVIVAL-SHOP with the lowest of the low prices! All thanks to the big yellow smiley face in the sky.
I started thinking about human evolution as I approached the checkout line. Standing upright! Frontal lobe!! Opposable thumbs!!! How you gonna hand out yer smiley face sticker, in yer friendly blue vest, without thumbs? Just then, the bat dove from above, headed for my frontal lobe! Or at least that's what the primitive parts of my brain told me as they took over my body with a ducking like instinct. The bat didn't even come close, but it was enough to give my blood a quick rush. I'll admit, it spawned a cheap thrill in myself and the surrounding shoppers.
As I moved forward in checkout, I would have continued questioning the so called "intelligence" of our species, but I had no need. For the WAL-GODS answered for me in a numbingly stupid voice that killed brain cells in all who were within hearing rang. Standing two people back in line was some sort of Neanderthalish, missing link, wearing a Tap-Out shirt and a Monster Energy Drink hat. His attention at the moment was directed towards the bat, and in one sentence, he put all of the human race in their place.
Speaking to his monkey buddy, dressed in an attire with a likeness to his own, He pointed at the bat and from his mouth came,
"Huh, Stupid Bird! Dude, look how dumb that bird is!"
I don't remember what they said after that (being that my mind had just been blown), but they both laughed and decided to get out of line to follow the "stupid bird"/bat further back into the store. I took one last glance at the creature and his friend, as they lurched away like the big foot in the famous Patterson video. Forever lost in the wild of WAL-MART. Forever a legend in my mind. All I could think of was that I had no proof. If only I had a camera or a voice recorder. It scares me to think about. That guy might be, or one day may be a father.
I then purchased my can of cheesy ravioli and bottle of Gatorade, deciding to give up on "thinking" and vowing to never try to use my brain again. I still wonder to this day if the bat ever made it out of the WAL-MART. LORD KNOWS A PART OF ME NEVER DID.
If you have any wild 'n crazy WAL-MART stories that you would like to share, please do in the comments below this post. Thanks. Have a nice day!
3.17.2012
NOW YOU'RE COLD
I SAW THE BODY
IN THE ROAD
IN THE WINTER
IN THE COLD
THE BLOOD FREEZES AT FORTY BELOW
A DYING DEER
DYING SLOW
AND THE WARMTH THAT WAS STEAMING
WAS THE LIFE LEAVING
AND IT ONLY STOPS
WHEN YOU'RE AS COLD AS THIS WORLD
NO ONE TO TALK TO
NO ONE TO HOLD
UNTIL PARANOIA
PULLED YOU CLOSE
INTOXICATED AND FEELING ALONE
YOU TOOK A STEP
INTO THE UNKNOWN
AND ON A DARKENED PATH
LIKE THE DEER YOU FROZE
IN DEATHS HEADLIGHTS
NOW YOU'RE AS COLD AS THIS WORLD
IN THE ROAD
IN THE WINTER
IN THE COLD
THE BLOOD FREEZES AT FORTY BELOW
A DYING DEER
DYING SLOW
AND THE WARMTH THAT WAS STEAMING
WAS THE LIFE LEAVING
AND IT ONLY STOPS
WHEN YOU'RE AS COLD AS THIS WORLD
NO ONE TO TALK TO
NO ONE TO HOLD
UNTIL PARANOIA
PULLED YOU CLOSE
INTOXICATED AND FEELING ALONE
YOU TOOK A STEP
INTO THE UNKNOWN
AND ON A DARKENED PATH
LIKE THE DEER YOU FROZE
IN DEATHS HEADLIGHTS
NOW YOU'RE AS COLD AS THIS WORLD
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